Dear Annie: I recently moved into a small building with only eight apartments. Just three days after moving in, I was in a serious car accident that left me hospitalized for two weeks. I’m now back home recovering and on medical leave from work.
Unfortunately, instead of a quiet, supportive environment, I’ve been met with hostility. If I make any noise at all — walking around, watching TV — someone in the building responds by making loud retaliatory noises. I even asked one of the neighbors if I was being too loud, and he cheerfully said, “No, everyone’s noisy,” only to then come into the hallway and deliberately make more noise.
Eventually, I snapped. I yelled for one of my neighbors to shut up and mind his business. Next thing I knew, the police were at my door, claiming that children in the building were frightened. Now patrol cars drive by frequently, and I feel watched and judged. I plan to buy out of my lease and move as soon as I’m physically able.
Please tell me — am I truly the villain here, or did I just land in the twilight zone? — Trying To Rest, Not Rebel
Dear Rest, Not Rebel: You are not the villain. You are recovering from a serious accident and deserve peace, not petty behavior from neighbors. It is no wonder you snapped after repeated passive-aggressive noise.
Still, yelling back only fuels the fire. Until you can move, try to protect your space. A white noise machine, rushing wave sounds or even a fan can help drown out the nonsense and give you some rest.
Some places just are not a good fit. Focus on healing and let this be a short chapter, not the whole story.
Dear Annie: I met a man three months ago, and at first everything felt wonderful. I had just come out of a breakup and wasn’t looking for anything serious, but he was kind, affectionate and made me feel truly seen. He talked about marriage, called often and made me feel special.
But over time, things changed. He started canceling plans last minute and rarely communicated when he did. When I got upset, he said I was giving him red flags. Eventually, I discovered he lied about his name. He admitted it, and I forgave him.
Now he makes excuses not to take me out, says I sound materialistic and accuses me of only caring about his money. We argue a lot, and he rarely makes an effort to show he cares. Recently, I ended things because I felt unappreciated. He told me I was beneath him and that I didn’t deserve to go anywhere. But I still love him, and I can’t seem to let go.
Is there any hope for this relationship? Or am I just holding on to the idea of who I thought he was? — Still Hoping
Dear Hoping: What you are holding on to is not love. It is the memory of how he made you feel in the beginning, not how he treats you now.
This man has lied, withheld communication, canceled on you repeatedly, accused you unfairly and insulted you. That is not love, and it is not a relationship worth saving. You deserve respect, honesty and consistency, not excuses and emotional games.
Letting go is hard, especially when your heart is involved. But staying with someone who tears you down will only keep you stuck. Grieve the loss, but move forward. Real love will never leave you questioning your worth.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
