I am not the best football prognosticator, as you’ve seen in these very pages. I’m not sure if I even had a prediction for what the Super Bowl LX matchup would be at the start of the season.

If I did, though, I’m sure it wouldn’t have been the New England Patriots and Seattle Seahawks. So I’m not about to tell you who’s going to win when those two teams take the field Sunday night. But what I do know very well is what it feels like to not have a dog in this fight, a horse in this race, an Avenger in this Endgame.

As a fan of the Washington – what’s their name right now? Oh, yeah – Commanders, there have been more Super Bowls since my team last appeared in the big game than there were up to that point. But I can’t imagine not watching the game. And it’s hard to watch a game and not pull for one team or the other, so I have gotten adept at choosing a team to root for when I otherwise just don’t care.

If you’re in that boat – because your team hasn’t sniffed Super Bowl Sunday in a decade or six or you’re a Taylor Swift fan who can’t imagine the game without her in a luxury box – I’m here to help.

Below you will find a five-point system to determine a team for which to pull. You can use all of them or the one that resonates the most. You can go with my recommendations, or head in the opposite direction, because they’re (mostly) subjective. Or you can write a passionate email telling the sports editor this was a much worse use of space than professional lacrosse transactions.

Geography

A lot of us root for a team that’s close to home. But there are no Ohio or Pennsylvania squads involved, so the home team is a relative concept this year.

Google Maps tells me the Patriots’ home of Foxborough, Massachusetts, is 688 miles away, an estimated 11-hour-and-39-minute drive from Mr. Parker’s Burg. That seems like quite a haul until you compare it to Seattle, a 2,531-mile, 37-hour trek.

NEW ENGLAND 1, SEATTLE 0

Alma Maters

So maybe these teams don’t have your loyalty or affection, but perhaps some of their players do. This may be less of a factor as the transfer portal keeps collegiate rosters churning, but I haven’t come up with a replacement yet, so let’s keep going.

It still might hold weight for Ohio State fans, as former Buckeye Jaxon Smith-Njigba has become one of the top wide receivers in the league for the Seahawks. But while his profile is higher, the Patriots have twice as many Columbus alumni on the roster – rookie running back TraVeyon Henderson and third-string offensive tackle Thayer Munford Jr. Plus, head coach Mike Vrabel played his college ball at Ohio State. For sheer volume, give the edge to New England.

NEW ENGLAND 2, SEATTLE 0

Mascots

Mascots are symbolic, of course, but what if we took them literally? Would a patriot beat a seahawk in a fight? I guess it would depend on the patriot in question. I’m going to be honest, I am not prepared to research various heroes of the American Revolution and determine who could best hold their own against an osprey, which is the more common – but less cool-sounding – name for a sea hawk (or river hawk, or fish hawk). And then, we’d have to determine if they’re using a musket, or if this is hand-to-talon combat. That sounds like a lot.

Let’s default to originality. No offense to Parkersburg South or any of the other teams they play a couple of times a year that are also called the Patriots, but I’m going to give the edge to the Seahawks, though that could certainly change if they switched to the ospreys.

SEATTLE 1, NEW ENGLAND 2

Storyline

I think the Patriots are technically the underdogs, but this is a franchise with more Super Bowl titles than anyone else except their former quarterback Tom Brady. It is impressive that Vrabel was able to get this team back in the championship so quickly, but I’m not sure anybody outside of the New England faithful is ready to see this team be a contender so soon.

The Seahawks are no slouches in the 21st century, but what gives them the advantage here is quarterback Sam Darnold. The third overall pick in the 2018 draft, Darnold had high expectations with the New York Jets and did not live up to them. He didn’t exactly set the world on fire with the Carolina Panthers and San Francisco 49ers before landing with the Minnesota Vikings last year as something of a seat warmer for rookie J.J. McCarthy. When the youngster got hurt, Darnold led the Vikings to the playoffs. Things kind of petered out toward the end, and Minnesota elected to go with McCarthy, while the Seahawks signed Darnold.

By most definitions, Darnold would be considered a bust, certainly for the Jets. But I get tired of seeing talented athletes written off as failures for not being Hall of Famers. You can’t stick around in the NFL without talent, and plenty of it, so I would love to see Darnold hoist the Lombardi trophy.

SEATTLE 2, NEW ENGLAND 2

Uniforms

But if he does it, it will be in a Seahawks uniform.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and some people may find the Seahawks’ uniforms appealing. I don’t know what to make of them. The blue is really dark, but not technically navy, and then there are these splashes of neon, or possibly toxic waste, green that could really hurt your eyes in large amounts – such as when teams break out their alternate or color rush jerseys. They’re just hard to look at, especially when you see their ’80s throwback jerseys that I just didn’t appreciate enough when they were around.

The Patriots’ uniforms aren’t outstanding, but they’re silver, blue and red, with all tones in the same basic frequency or octave or whatever the proper term is. I may be worse at fashion commentary than I am at pigskin predictions, but if you’re going with the team that’s easier on the eyes, it has to be New England.

NEW ENGLAND 3, SEATTLE 2