Cracking the Code: Be not afraid
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We have a vent on the floor for heat and air conditioning between our kitchen and dining area. When our daughter Dannielle, her husband, and golden retriever Arnie come to visit, Arnie won't walk across the vent. He is afraid. Arnie is so afraid he won't even cross the vent to get a treat. If we cover the vent with a rug he will walk over it. Arnie is a dog. He doesn't understand why he has nothing to fear. Sadly, many times we aren't much different from Arnie the retriever when we allow our fear to hold us back from achieving our dreams or doing what is right and good for others.
Fear can be described as: False Evidence Appearing Real.
Hockey Hall of Famer, Wayne Gretzky said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." The message is simple. Don't be afraid to fail. If you fail to act you have already failed. We want our soccer players to take shots and not wait for the perfect opportunity. We give them permission to fail.
In a leadership minute after soccer practice last week, I said to my players, "In high school I never got turned down for a date. What do you think my secret was?" The new players guessed, "You were good looking." "You had a hot car." Unfortunately, none of these reasons. One of the seniors knew the answer. "You didn't ask." My fear of failure in the form of rejection shut me down. The result was very few dates. False evidence hurt my social life in high school.
When I went to WVU I wanted a social life. I asked for dates and initially failed. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought so I kept asking. Eventually failure became success. I had a social life. When I found Lynnda, my wife of now 51 years, I overcame fear of possible rejection to tell her I loved her. When I asked her to marry, we knew each other well enough I felt reasonably certain her answer would be "Yes." And it was.
Every Hallmark Channel love story has the line, "Did you tell her (or him) how you feel?" The answer is always, "No" at first. Successful relationships require us to overcome fear of rejection at some point and make our feelings known to the one we love.
Fear is a valuable emotion. It keeps us from doing stupid things and getting physically hurt. It can keep us out of danger. In the military, we learned fear sharpens our senses. Bravery is one thing. Recklessness, lack of fear, is another making, us dangerous to our comrades.
Doing what we fear makes us stronger. I started skiing as an adult. When we took our teenage youth group skiing, I got tired of sitting in the lodge and learned to ski. I was afraid to ski "Dropoff" at Winterplace, one of the hardest slopes. Looking down the dropoff, I had a vision of me falling and sliding down the slope out of control on my back. With my kids' encouragement, and shamed by little kids flying past me and down the slope, I skied Dropoff, giving me the courage to ski other hard slopes. Overcoming fear allowed us to have fun family ski trips to New England, Utah, Colorado and quality time with Lynnda and our children.
Fear based on reality or fiction can shut us down. Unfortunately, some people and organizations understand this and use our fears against us to get what they want. Dishonest politicians who care more about getting elected than integrity, use negative ads against their opponent to scare people rather than tell the public what they will do to make our lives better. In the spring primary we got negative mailings about my West Virginia House delegate. I know the guy personally. He was on my adult soccer team. I trust him. It was easy to see false information in the ad. They even got my delegate's picture wrong. The ad came from an out-of-state group. Out-of-state money wasn't enough to beat him. The negative ad encouraged me give my delegate a campaign contribution.
The playbook is simple and hasn't changed in years. Scare the public using lies and half-truths or denying benefits and exaggerating hazards. The tactic used successfully can stop or delay projects or products benefiting the public in order to benefit an individual, organization or group. The tactic has been used against fossil fuels, hydraulic fracturing, data centers, AI, vaccines and to promote climate change. My question, if the fear is real why not tell people the truth without exaggeration, don't bully detractors into silence and don't be afraid of open discussion and debate. Searching for truth and making decisions based on facts and sound engineering principals should be agreeable to everyone.
Some things to consider before we let fear stop us;
• Does this fear make sense?
• How serious is the risk? What is the reward?
• What opportunities will be missed by giving into the fear?
• Check out the facts for yourself.
•. What is the track record of people creating the fear? Have they lied before. Can they be trusted?
• Are they trying to keep opposing views silent? Do they bully opponents?
• Do they deny benefits and exaggerate the hazards?
• Do they use personal attacks rather than factual rebuttals?
The world is full of things we can fear like spiders, snakes, roller coasters, losing our job, getting cancer, or telling someone special "I love you." We don't need others telling us what they think we should fear. Don't allow False Evidence Appearing Real, keep you from achieving your dreams.
Greg Kozera, gkozera@shalecrescentusa.com, is director of marketing for Shale Crescent USA. He is a professional engineer with a masters in environmental engineering and over 40 years of experience in the energy industry. Greg is a leadership expert, high school soccer coach, professional speaker, author of four books and many published articles.