Letter to the Editor: Stolen memories
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Four of my friends have dementia or Alzheimer's. I sadly watch as their lives are stolen from them one memory at a time. It starts by forgetting little things. Of course, we all forget things once in a while like there was something else I needed at the store, etc. Before long they each start forgetting more important things like appointments. As time goes by dementia usually progresses to them needing help to get dressed or not knowing if they have eaten today or not. It seems that at first they were aware that their memory was starting to fail them. Later on, seems they don't know what they should have been able to remember but can't. I've heard of others who are blissfully happy believing all is well. Then some are always looking for something they can't find, a part of them is missing. Time is on hold whether you visited with them yesterday or last week. They may not remember you were there at all.
What is equally as sad as the person who is losing their memories, losing themselves, is their caregivers. A caregiver can start out being a loving spouse. With time they become less a partner to someone who fills each day by watching out for someone they love much like you would a young child. At the same time they watch them slip farther and farther away. Grown children change rolls. Instead of getting advice from an elder they have to start making the decisions and tell a parent what they can and can not do. Sometimes, if finances allow, the family can get help. Last resort they may need to move their loved one into an assisted living home.
I remember when I was 11 or 12 answering a call from my Great Uncle's mother. She was concerned because my baby, meaning my baby sister who is 10 years younger than me, was out in the street playing and someone needed to come get her. I had no idea what dementia or Alzheimer's was but I understood she was confused and I said what would put her mind at ease. I told her I would take care of it, then told my parents about the call. I was told her scissors had to be taken from her because she kept cutting up her sheets and things to sew. When she could not live on her own she was put in a nursing home. At night they tied her to her bed because of what she would get up and do. Times have changed a lot since then. People are allowed more dignity than back then. My Mom said that was one of her worst fears, being tied down that way. Thankfully, Mom was pretty sharp minded until she was just too tired to go on.
Help is available to relieve some of the burden for caregivers. I keep my friends and their families in my prayers. If you know someone who is suffering from one of these memory stealing afflictions please keep in mind the ones who care for them also. They are the ones who know how much time goes by as they suffer, often silently. They need compassion as much or even more than their loved ones.
Until something else gets me stirred up enough to write again, you stay happy and healthy.
Bonita (Bonnie) Eaton
Vienna