Sandwich parents caring for parents, kids
By JEFFREY SAULTON, jsaulton@newsandsentinel.comPARKERSBURG -Although it is not a new phenomenon, the number of people who care for their parents and children at the same time is growing in America today.
According to the Pew Research Center, just over one of every eight Americans aged 40 to 60 is both raising a child and caring for a parent, in addition to between seven million and 10 million adults caring for their aging parents from a long distance. U.S. Census Bureau statistics indicate that the number of older Americans aged 65 or older will double by the year 2030, to more than 70 million.
Mollie Haught, LPC, of the Counseling and Wellness Center, said the presence of the Sandwich Moms, and in rare cases Dads, may be more common in the coming years.
"I believe with West Virginia's aging population it may become more prevalent," she said. "West Virginia has one of the oldest populations in the United States."
In general, Haught said the problems with the sandwich generation is they have responsibility to the generation above and the generation below.
"Often that leads to neglect of their own needs," she said. "Therefore they are unable to care for anyone as well as they could if they were caring for their own needs."
For some that person is the sole caregiver and in other cases one child may take more of the responsibility than others. That is the case for Barbara Medlen of Beverly. She has two children at home, daughters 14 and 9, and she also cares for her father, Paul Brooker of Chuchtown, Ohio, who is 69.
Medlen and her sister, Angela Finkle, are from a family of seven. Three of them no longer live in the area. She said those who live in the area help by rotating weekends and evenings. During the day he goes to the O'Neill Senior Center in Marietta.
Medlen said she spends a number of evenings at Brooker's home. On her way home from her job she picks up her children from the nearby St. Johns School. Medlen said she drops her father off at the center on her way to work as director at Marietta Occupational Health.
"Many times the girls have a ball game and if it is my night we take him with us," she said. "Sometimes we take him home and others we stay here."
Medlen said being a sandwich mom is stressful.
"It's a strain because my husband says he never sees me, but he works shift work, so that makes it even more difficult," she said. "The girls have adapted to it, they are as comfortable here as they are at home. They can stay here and catch the bus to school in the morning."
Medlen said she thinks it is good for her children to see her and others helping to care for their grandfather.
"Sometimes they don't like it and they say it's not convenient and they want their own rooms and I say to them 'you know what, this is something we have to do for grandpa, this is something we need to do and you need to understand,'" she said.
Medlen said her father is not able to do many things, but he can still get up and move around and do a few things for himself. The care began almost three years ago after he suffered a stroke. Prior to that he had a number of health problems but was able to care for himself.
"We brought him home from hospice care to die," she said. "A couple of months after we got him home he began to turn around. At one time we thought he wouldn't make it through the weekend, I think it helped a lot being at home and around family."
With her job demands and family obligations, Medlen she finds herself having to rush from one place to another.
"Between all of this with a job and family I have to do so many things," she said. "I'm the secretary of the home and school and one time it was the night I had to give him a bath and the meeting was in 15 minutes. The meeting is close by at school and the girls can sit with him until I get back."
The O'Neill Center has been helpful.
"I took him there the first day," she said. "During that first day I wondered how he was doing and if he liked it there. I realized he was doing just fine."
Medlen and Finkle said they worried about it and going over what he needed and liked and didn't like and they were told by the staff to not worry.
Haught said she tries to encourage people in the situation to take time for themselves so they will be better able to take care of others. She said that means taking advantage of respite care services and relying on other family members.
For those in rural areas, Haught said the most important thing is having a support system that extends beyond families to churches, clubs and friends to help out at times.
Medlen and Finkle said they have found that having other family members who can help is necessary.
Haught believes another factor in this is the prevalence of women who work outside the home. In the past they were home and it was almost expected the elderly would live with them and they would be there to care for both generations.
"Now women find themselves running from home to job to children's activities to the doctor with their parents," she said. "It is not new, but it is more complicated."
